It’s the natural progression of many relationships, right? First, you meet and fall in love. Then you get married, and then you start a family. And from there it’s all happily ever after.
Not necessarily. Passage through these various relationship milestones, while cause for celebration, often bring with them a subset of specific stresses, challenges, and tests for even the most sturdy of relationships. Becoming new parents together is an immensely rewarding experience, but it is one that brings about some serious changes. It takes patience and perseverance to redefine yourselves as a couple and as a family. Here are five specific challenges to watch for:
1. Lack of Intimacy
One of the trials new parents face is the lack of intimacy that couples inevitably face. Changed bodies, a lack of time together and the inability to be spontaneous can put a serious damper on a couple’s sex life. When a baby is frequently feeding, he or she may even be sharing a room or a bed with you, which can create challenges as well.
Instead of letting this lack of intimacy create a distance between you, recognize that although sexual encounters may be on hold temporarily, and there are other ways to connect with each other, like cuddling and affection to maintain intimacy.
2. Clashing Parenting Styles
You likely have already discussed your child raising strategies and values at great lengths before your baby was born, but now that you are “on-the-job” are your parenting styles at odds with each other? Perhaps you had a different point of view on a number of issues but thought that your spouse might be swayed once the baby was born.
It’s imperative that new parents discuss parenting views openly and honestly. Parenting is like anything else; rarely will you find two people who agree on absolutely everything. The key is to talk it out, be non-judgmental and commit to finding common ground and compromise.
3. Sleep Deprivation
It’s hard to function on little to no sleep, but when you extend that over several weeks or months, it’s very trying indeed.
Sleep deprivation can hamper your judgment as well as seriously shorten your fuse, which can create conflict in a relationship. Try to keep your cool as much as possible and to spell each other off, so that you can both get some rest.
4. Resentment
As roles change as parents, one member of the couple may resent the other. Perhaps the father feels shut out of the bonding happening between mother and baby. Maybe the mother is critical of the father’s efforts to parent. Sometimes one or both members of the couple feel like they are doing all the work without support from their spouse.
A lot of resentment comes from miscommunication. If you are harboring resentment, ask yourself why? Is it reasonable? How can you best address these concerns with your spouse with an eye to positive change?
5. Time Management
When you’ve got a new baby, the to-do-list becomes enormously long, while your available time shrinks away. It’s hard to shuffle priorities in the beginning, and often you feel overwhelmed.
New parents should temper expectations to the very basic necessities of housework; call in help from friends and family to help with errands, cooking, and laundry. As the days go on, make sure to schedule regular date nights, as a way of establishing your own time together as a couple.
Helping your relationship weather change and come out stronger the other side takes commitment and open communication. We can help facilitate that for you. Call or contact us today at 202-641-5335.
