Narcissistic personality disorders causes are mostly related to early development of a child with the family, friends, and other children. What does a boy needs to become a man? A boy needs to love someone who is perfect in his eyes, and then continue to love him/her when he learns they are not. He needs to be told what he is feeling in order to develop a vocabulary and understanding. He then needs a best friend who he identifies the same likeness in himself…’I’m okay because you’re okay.’ to prevent narcissistic personality disorder. Let’s explore in more depth below:
A developing child has three major psychological needs that need to be fulfilled during childhood. They are as follows:
- Need to Idealize
- Need to be Mirrored
- The Need to be like Others
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Causes and Symptoms
Need to Idealize
A child needs to look up to someone, usually a mother or father. It provides the child with hope. By looking up to someone, a child can identify and imagine him or herself as a competent and successful adult.
Symptoms
Subtle and consistent betrayals by parents can inflict trauma. The child can grow up pessimistic and negative. Unfortunately, the adult child may not remember where the wounds come from. Nevertheless, the hidden pain affects adult behavior and decision-making which can cause narcissistic personality disorder.
Need to be Mirrored
This need includes the way a child develops self-acceptance and understanding. Adults important to the child validate or mirror his qualities. Validation is done through subtle gestures and verbalization’s that make the child feel important, special, and desired. It also gives the child vocabulary to express himself.
Symptoms
If a child does not receive enough positive mirroring, he will have trouble sustaining positive self-esteem. In adulthood, a setback, such as job loss or relationship breakup, can cause strong feelings of emptiness and depression. Absence of positive mirroring during childhood can cause narcissistic personality disorder in adulthood.
The Need to be Like Others
This is the concept of twin-ship. This is the need to have a double or a playmate, a best friend who is one’s equal. The two validate each other’s feelings, thoughts, and interests. This occurs during childhood and leads to a strong sense of belonging.
Symptoms
Lack of twin-ship can often lead to social isolation. It can also lead to non-intimate relationships and exaggerated behaviors such as bullying, fighting, or exhibitionism. Additionally, it can lead to feeling negative about one’s self and can keep an individual from sharing personal information with others. It also keeps one from interacting in a spontaneous and uninhibited manner. Lack of twin-ship during childhood is one of the causes of narcissistic personality disorder in adulthood.
Unfortunately, many people enter adulthood isolated and disconnected from important relationships. Feelings of isolation and loneliness, even while in relationships, are a common complaint from those who experience symptoms of depression and anxiety.
For men, lack of twin-ship is often reinforced by the ‘boy code’ that pits males against each other (i.e. competition for jobs and sexual partners which leads to narcissistic relationships).
The ‘boy code’ makes expression of painful feelings, and therefore physical comforting by other males, taboo. This leaves very few outlets to express and emotionally soothe painful feelings. Instead, individuals suffering from narcissistic personality disorder engage in self-defeating strategies such as stoicism, strength and willpower to deal with the pain. These unsuccessful strategies result in high rates of alcohol and drug abuse as well as anxiety and depression. Men with unmet needs have higher rates of accidental injuries and shorter life spans as well as higher suicide rates.
